I must have called a dozen DJs in the area and they were either too expensive or they tried too hard to guess what I wanted to hear. Then I found Precise DJs on the web and I called; he was pretty chill and didn’t try to push his style on me. He was also a lot more reasonable than most of the other guys I talked w/; so, I hired him.

My biggest concern about hiring a DJ was that I didn’t want someone who was going to monopolize the microphone all night…I didn’t want someone I didn’t know talking all night around my family. I made it clear to Guillermo (the DJ) and he was cool…he spoke at appropriate times and played a killer mix of tunes. If you’re looking for a San Diego DJ, then call Precise DJs.

He showed up early and stayed a little longer than we contracted. We were having a blast and he was in the groove, so we got a little extra DJ action than we bargained for. All-in-all it was a great party…and great parties are only as good as the music that’s spun. Check out Precise DJs if you’re looking for a good deal for your next party: Click Here for Precise DJs Website. Now I can get back to my beer drinking.

After about 20 minutes, and two beers, our burgers came. WOW!! These things are amazing. Talk about one of the tastiest burgers I’ve ever had. Everything about it was perfect. The price, the taste, the juiciness, the mess, the pure feeling you get from thrashing into a nice big chunk of dead cow. Fuck…it was nearly orgasmic. I’m about to start eating this computer thinking about that thing…that burger will make you want to slap your momma for not cooking like that when you were a kid.

Seriously…if you’re ever in San Diego (Pacific Beach to be exact), then you have to get a Rocky’s burger. They don’t have a website, but here is their Yelp Page. They don’t take credit cards, so bring some cash. You might as well bring some patience, as well…you won’t get your burger in a hurry, but boy will it be worth the wait. Drink a beer, and then another, then jack that burger up!!!

Mir is a bad-ass…no doubt. However, what has he done lately?? Have we even heard from this guy in the past couple of years? Mir is by far the better jiu-jitsu artist, which is really the only chance he has at winning. If he can control Lesnar from his back and get a bunch of submission attempts, then Lesnar may tire which could be good for a Mir decision. I seriously doubt Mir can knock Lesnar out, but I think Lesnar has a real good chance of knocking Mir out.

I’m pulling for Lesnar. I can’t stand that WWE shit, but Lesnar is legit. Here’s to Lesnar as the future heavyweight champ.

My chiropractor said that my neck problems are most likely caused by my many hours of sitting at a desk and staring at a computer. He gave me some weird bowling ball analogy to try and describe my neck problems…it made a little bit of sense, so I started sitting up straighter at work. It also got me thinking about outfitting my office to be more ergonomically sound. So, naturally, I did a search on Google for ergonomic office products…I came across a shitload of sites (most of them sucked and seemed expensive). I came across one site that was really well done; www.ergoware.com. I actually bought a keyboard tray system from them. I’m probably going to buy an ergonomic chair and a monitor arm from them, as well.

So, I’ve been seeing a chiropractor and buying new ergonomic stuff…but I still don’t feel great. Certainly not as good as when I’ve pounded 8 Sam Adams in a two-hour timeframe. Maybe beer is the end-all cure-all. Maybe I should just get a job at a brewery…I can eliminate the “staring at the computer” diagnosis and I can self medicate while I work. Schlameel, Schlamazel…Hosenpepper Incorporated.

#1. 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.
(Likely applies to half the world population.)

#2. In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak
that it is mistaken for hunger.

#3. Even MILD dehydration will slow down one’s metabolism as 3%.

#4. One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs
for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of
Washington study.

#5. Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.

#6. Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of
water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain
for up to 80% of sufferers.

#7. A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term
memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on
the computer screen or on a printed page.

#8. Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of
colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast
cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop
bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water
you should drink every day?

COKE

#1. In many states the highway patrol carries
two gallons of Coke in the trunk to remove blood from
the highway after a car accident.

#2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Coke
and it will be gone in two days.

#3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the
toilet bowl and let the “real thing” sit for one hour,
then flush clean. The citric acid in Coke removes
stains from vitreous china.

#4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers:
Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds
Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Coca-Cola.

#5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour
a can of Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble
away the corrosion.

#6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Apply a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola
to the rusted bolt for several minutes.

#7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into
the baking pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake.
Thirty minutes before ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the drippings to mix
with the Coke for a sumptuous brown gravy.

#8… To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of Coke
into the load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run
through a regular cycle. The Coca-Cola will help loosen
grease stains. It will also clean road haze from your
windshield.

FOR YOUR INFORMATION:

#1. the active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid.
It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric
acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major
contributor to the rising increase of osteoporosis.

#2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup! (the concentrate) the
commercial trucks must use a hazardous Material place
cards reserved for highly corrosive materials.

#3. The distributors of Coke have been using it to clean
engines of the trucks for about 20 years!

Now the question is, would you like a glass of water?

or Coke?

ORIGINAL INQUIRY

THIS APPEARED ON CRAIG’S LIST
What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful
(spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at
least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind
that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think
I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could
you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around
200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get
me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married
to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as
I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I
get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars,
restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my
feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east
side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have
nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead
gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story
there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment
banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they
hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for
MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest
way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front
about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t
able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a
nice home and hearth.

* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:
I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully
about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your
bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I
see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a
cr@ppy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you
suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring
my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my
money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely
that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t
be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning
asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation
accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty
hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in
earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy
and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense
to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case
you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were
to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s
as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then
we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of
lease, let me know.